Thank you 2010

Today is my last chance to thank you

Thank you for bringing

That determination in me

that kept me going

that kept me busy

And thank you for that fear I had

which made me cry

which made me sad

and thank you for

making it disappear

after so many expressions that I had to wear

so thank you for those lovely smile

which came after going the extra mile

and thank you for the days of rain

so what if they were the days of pain

and thank you for the friends I made

though losing some made it a trade

but thank you for the lost ones I found

and for the happiness around

and thank you for the sleepless nights

and that for the countless fights

and then for the patchups that followed

and thanks for teaching that reality always bites

and thanks for this way out of reality

where I can atleast be crafty

and thanks for all those breakdowns

and thanks for those innumerous frowns

and thanks for all those troubles

which weren’t as light as bubbles

but what I really want to thank you for is

making me strong

and being with my friends

because that’s where I belong

Thank you 2010

I would never forget you

Just a few thoughts..........

This time sharing a few thoughts that have accumulated in my head for past few days. Some minor things I have been thinking over and over for some time now.

First of all, a few days back, someone asked me why should they read my blog? She basically wanted to know that since I speak a lot (sorry if it sounds an understatement to few), they would probably know that we write something we cannot express by speech. Writing a blog is not like writing a debate on any environmental issue that it does not take you time to start writing but you think before writing every line. You think twice, about what would be a better expression or in what way can you link two facts. Its nothing like that. Writing about your feelings involve a completely opposite process. You just cant sit down and start expressing what you feel. Thoughts and feelings take time to develop and once they take a place into your mind, you write them out in a flow which is unparalleled. You don’t think twice before writing a sentence. So, from this experience, I realized my disregard for people who share their daily routines by typing them out. My personal advice to them would be to use this tool more wisely. To express the things buried under them which they cannot speak out. Else it would become blunt.

Secondly, I went to this play by my friends which was being staged as a professional play in a renowned auditorium and there I happened to come across a great irony. Last year I had come to the same auditorium to watch a play of a school friend of mine and I was asking my friends to accompany me to the show. And one of them told me, who would go to watch a play? Plays are boring. And yesterday, she was performing on the same stage to a packed audience. Its kind of funny how life changes our thoughts and viewpoints about things.

 Its said that change is the only thing permanent. But diplomacy and self centered behavior are as permanent as change. I am not criticizing any of those traits because to survive in this world, everyone needs to practice them. But don’t you dream of a world where everyone is what he seems to be?

Looking for that dream world, I am still finding the way out of this reality……

An answer to myself

Whats so dark and whats so deep?
Whats so important in that ego you keep
I lighten the darkness and i make a dive
into the ocean to see whats alive
I take out the pearls
when I am looking for fish
I never get what I want
though how much I wish
And I may get something much more worth
I may get the sky when I want the earth
Why do they always fail me?
Why do the dark always trail me?
Like shadow occurs in the light
All seven colors are there in the white
Like a fall is there on every height
similarly wrong always accompanies the right
We never get anything absolute
Dark will always follow us
Life doesnt exist in white and black
There are always the shades
The gloom may decide our track
but with righteousness the dark fades
So there is always fear in the strong
Deep inside it may belong
There is always sadness in the cheery
because even smiling makes you weary
and there is always wrong in the right
but dont allow it to get too bright
because we are living
and there is no harm in giving
because we are dying
so there is no advantage in lying
so shut the devil inside you
then do whatever you want to do

This is a reply to myself on my last post in which I asked for help. Though I got a bit realistic this time but I haven't yet stopped looking for the way out of reality.......

Need Help !!!!!

Have you ever felt as if all the sorrows of world can’t touch you?
Have you ever felt that whatever bad may happen to you, you would always keep smiling?
Has it happened to you that your friends want to give you their smile but what they find is that you have enough joy to lend others?
That is some kind of thing I have been feeling for quite some time now.
I laugh when people are tensed about me, I smile when people are crying about me and what I do is, I hide my wounds and try to heal those my friends.
Does that happen to you as well?
Someone has said that the meaning of happiness dies if it is not balanced by sadness, is it true? Am I really missing something? Do I really need to be sad?
I can be angry, I can be focused, I can be determined anytime I need, while cheerful I can be all the time. Do I need to have leash over the darker emotions as well?
Is this colorful life incomplete without blackness of disappointment, disgust and unhappiness?
Am I normal?
I liked a page on facebook which said the ones who are the strongest is the one most need of a hug.
Do I really need a hug? And if yes, then by whom?
Amongst all these confusions, I am asking your help to find the way out of reality…………

I would never fall

my emotions never mattered
they scowled when i smiled
they cried when i laughed
who said that the world laughs with you
i have never seen it laugh with me
the entire happiness i have been through
and who said no one is there when you cry
the rarely i do, they laugh out their throats dry
why cant they leave me alone
when i am sad
why cant they leave me alone
when things are bad
i have too much happiness to share
and i can even gulp down my sorrows
and facing my anger, no one can dare
then why dont they just stick around when i am happy
and try to make me sad
because i know they would fail
because i am insane and mad
and i can contaminate them with my joy
hey listen you boy
and hey listen you girl
my tears are not pearls
they are water
so you wont gain anything by collecting them
so no need to slaughter
because i would always rise up against you
no matter whatever you do
and see a tomorrow will come
when i will win it all
and then i wont ever fall
i would never fall
i would win it all

And I kept going

 This poem is specially for people who never stop in any situation.
Find someone you can stop for.

when i walked towards my dreams
the sun told me
that i wont reach
and the wind came to preach
and when i didnt hear
the sun heated the day
and the wind gushed
everything away
i let the sun shine
and the wind kept blowing
but they couldnt stop me
as i kept on going
and when i reached the city
people told me
that i am insane
and that everyone dies
but it was simple and plain
that they all were lies
and they tried to put me down
and then offered me the crown
and they kept showing
but i didnt fall into the traps
as i kept on going
and then i met death
who offered me the promised land
and tried to hold my hand
and take me away
but i fought the death
the rest of the day
and as night turned on
when the stars were glowing
i left the defeated death behind
and i kept on going
and then i saw you
and i forgot all my dreams
you were what i was seeking
and if not
you have become as it seems
and i cannot move ahead
the entire life i have fled
and now the time is slowing
and i cannot keep on going
and i cannot keep on going

Even I kept on going but now I have stopped. So in this interval, finding the way out of reality.........

Love at first sight

“I am telling you she was beautiful and I think I am in love with her.”

“But you only saw her for a split second besides she was all clad in leathers driving a Pulsar.”

“But I saw her eyes as she turned and looked at me. And that was the moment I knew I am in love with her.”

“You  can’t be serious. Anyways you have always been mad. Now you think you are mad in love.”

That is Raghav, our hero of the story. Raghav has always been into studies and never even had a crush and he thinks he has fallen in love now.

Two days later……..

“I met her. I met her. I saw her yesterday in an acquaintance’s wedding and she came to me and apologized for speeding past me that day. She is beautiful. She is an angel and from the leather clad biker girl that day, she had turned into a traditional Indian girl in a suit. And I have fallen in love with her. Her name is Riddhima and I took her Facebook id. I have already added her.”

“Dude how did you identify her. You had only seen her eyes.”

“And I knew it was her exactly when I looked into her eyes. And then she just kept coming to me.”

“You have gone crazy.”

Two months later……..

“The next time we will not be meeting in a mall.”

“No problems Ridhi, we would go somewhere else.”

“Why do you act so nervous around me? I mean you are a chicken. Quack quack quack.”

“I am not a chicken as you always call me. I can do things which even you can’t miss rough and tough.”

“Like?”

“Like I can take my shirt off in front of you.”

“Even I can take off my shirt in front of myself and besides you have copied it from the movie Hum Dil de chuke sanam. I have seen it five times. You were way better on Facebook. All your originality and wit goes god knows where in real life.”

An hour later………

“You need to tell her that you love her. You are so much in love and I know you will die the day you don’t get to talk to her.”

“But I need to impress her before telling her that. She thinks of me as a chicken right now and as a guy who gets nervous around a girl.”

“Then why don’t you take her on a bike ride? You first saw her riding a bike only. She may like that. Take my bike.”

“Good idea. I will fix that up for tomorrow.”

The next day…….

“So do you always ride that slow? We are going below forty. Quack Quack Quack.”

“I am not a chicken and you will see that.”

“What are you doing Raghav? Eighty? I think you cant handle that. Quack Quack Quack.”

“Oh oh. Raghav now I am really impressed and I am getting really scared. Please slow down a bit.”

“No this is about my self respect.”

“Then if we die, the last thing I want you to know is that I love you.”

“What? I didn’t hear it. Did you say you love me?”

Ending one

And Ragahv said that he loved her too and they lived happily ever after.

Ending Two

And they got hit by truck.

In the accident, Riddhima died and Raghav went mad. He didn’t go insane because he lost the one he loved because living without her would have been his punishment for killing her, but he went insane because he he couldn’t reply back that he loved her too.

So which ending did you like the most?

Aren’t sad endings more dramatic?

Or the love stories should always have a happy ending unlike all the great love stories?

Imagine Jamie surviving the cancer in a walk to remember.

Or Romeo and Juliet living happily ever after.

Would have they been counted as great love stories?

Then if we like happy endings, why are stories with a sad ending so successful?

Among all these confusion, looking for the way out of reality……….

Why I didn't tell you

This is the poem i wrote to tell my best friend why I didn't tell her my problems.
Think of you and your best friend and tell me what i did was right or wrong.


 

I was dying
my problems were huge
but in me my friends seek refuge
so how could I cry
I had to give it a try
and if It didn’t work
my tears had to dry
what if my friends needed a shoulder
what if my friends had a dispute
I knew I was mentally older
when the resources were acute
I knew I cannot weep
but the pain was so deep
and it couldn’t have just died
so I faked a smile and lied
I had to be happy
I had to be normal
because they could have guessed from my voice
that I was trying to be formal
and I hated them for this
and I loved them for this
they cried on scratches
while my wounds didn’t heal
but all my agony and pain
I had to put behind a veil
their pains shouldn’t stay
but mine I can’t put away
and they had never seen those like mine
but I said I am well and I am fine
and when they came to know
they were torn apart
there eyes fell with tears
It just pricked their heart
and that’s why I hate you
and that’s why I love you

Who says you can't do it?

“I wasn’t expecting you to be good anough to that.”

Don’t you feel like showing your middle finger to such people who have don’t know you well enough to know your abilities and still they think they have the right to expect something from you?

Don’t feel provoked when you are under rated?

If the answer is yes, join the club.

Today, for the first time, I am blogging my actual thoughts.

After overperforming for a very long time, I am still considered the underdog.

Has it happened to you as well?

What options presented them to me at that moment were -:

1)      To run away from such people

2)      Tell them on their faces that only my friends can make a guess about my abilities and they never make a wrong one.

3)      Or shut up and prove them wrong again and again.

In my case, I chose the third option. No I am not someone perfect. But this is not ethical but entirely selfish. Such a humiliation can provide you with enough energy and motivation to do everything that such people don’t expect from you.

And believe me I have tried the second one a lot of times. It doesn’t help you but since you have given vent to all your anger, you may fail at the job they expect you to fail and then they would laugh at you.

And about the second one, I have tried it a couple of times and the world doesn’t even bother whether you are there or not. They would have a lot of replacements. Winners are those who stand there under all circumstances and finally win for themselves enough critics that they can laugh at them.

But still I find the world an imperfect place to learn something without being compared.

But it is the perfect place to learn how to remain focussed even under so many defects.

And as I learned in material science, these are the defects that lend strength to something.

After all, who says you can't do it?

If anyone does, he doesn't have a right to judge you.

Among all these undesirable events, finding The way out of reality………..

She took away my heart......

It seems like the days of Munni are over. It’s the time for sheila.

Though the valiant efforts of our CM Sheila dikshit went unnoticed under the glory of the CWG, who knew that sheila was going to be the next big thing and here I am not talking about the CM.

Sheila ki jawani has become the sizzler. Even with exams going on in IIT, people have found something that has held their hearts. Sheila ki jawani has become like an early morning prayer besides it is also the dream sequence of all of us guys these days.

“Dude Prof ne paper me residual property puchhi thi aur mujhe sheila ki jawani yaad aa rhi thi.”

But for me, this is also an understatement.

Sheila  is the goddess. And as she says, she is too sexy for us. So finally we found something to cheer about among the majors. Within a day or two, everyone would have by hearted her every move though mass transfer formulas are too tough to remember.

Lets hope this Sheila fever doesn’t get over as soon as Munni or if it gets, we get something even better.

PS Just thinking…….How do girls find such fantasies? Male item numbers are so rare.

I would be thankful if some girl answers this for me.

Still looking for the way out of reality………….

I am finally blogging !!!!!!

“Hey, I really didn’t mean to propose five girls at the same time.”

That’s me. It turns out that everytime I do something smart, it comes out heavily on me.

“But if you thought that I was proposing you, why did you post a smiley and said yes, thank you?”

But at times it did prove out to be lucky for me.

“Had it only been her instead of you.”

But even when it did, it didn’t help me in any way.

 “Hello? Hello?”

And my phone disconnected.

Fiveteen minutes later, on phone……..

“Don’t worry. She wont hate you for that. She may just stop talking to you forever and ever.”

That’s my best friend who also happens to be a girl but unluckily, unlike most of the girls, she happens to be smart.

“And in what way was that meant to be consoling?”

“Was I supposed to console you on the fact that a girl said yes to your proposal which was meant for five girls at the same time and you said ‘Just had it been her instead of you.’ I rather find it funny.”

"Go on laughing. It was all because of you."

So here’s the story. She had challenged to me to dedicate a romantic poem to a girl on Facebook. And I dedicated it to five to make it look like something normal and not meant to mean anything like that.

“By the way the poem was good. Why don’t you write a blog?”

“As I have said to atleast fifteen other people and to you about 5 times, that I wont write a blog ever.”

Three days later,

“Hey I am starting a blog.”

That’s how I decided to write a blog.

I am thinking about sharing a few short stories, my experiences, opinion about a books and movies and specially, my poems.

Starting with the same poem.

So That We Fall in Love

I search for you in the sand,
and every time I find you,
wind blows you from my hand
I look for you in the blue sea
and I throw a net,
but you are far away and free
it’s a mystery how we fall in love,
when I search for you on land,
you fly in the sky above.
And when I float with clouds
you are on earth with the crowds.
It’s a mystery how we will meet.
I have imagined you from head to feet.
And I think of you all day and night,
natures’ fury, I have to fight
just to get to you.
Just to get to you.
The whole world conspires against me.
Together we will never be,
but away we can never be
or else I would die.
Tell me it’s all a lie.
And I would wake up in the morning
and see u holding my hand.
Tell me it’s not a warning
or else we would find our own land.
Tell me you are the one,
the one who is mine.
We are meant to be with each other
we are meant to shine.
And I don’t want to end up alone,
so many years I have been on my own.
and its still a mystery why we fall
And how the one becomes one and all
and I know you are also unaware of that
but we need to meet we need to chat
so that we fall in love.
So that we fall in love.