28th March
“Yes I love her and that is probably the only thing about us I am sure about.”
I want to be a writer. This piece is a step ahead of my earlier attempts which were articles. But even this is not fiction. This is the story of a senior. This is the story of a writer. A person I look up to. A person I adore for his writings. I saw him tearing off a diary today. The above line was written on the first page that came to my hand.
It is an account of his love story. Probably he wanted to weave a story out of it. But now I have got it. It is mine.
Even destiny is toying with me. I gave these pages for binding and didn’t notice that they weren’t arranged. But I have always desired his ability to play with the timeline of a story. So let us take it the way destiny has setup for me. Random it is.
25th December
“Distance is only illusionary. 20 miles from me and I can’t even call her and we could even see each other while sitting a thousand miles far. Technology has certainly reduced distances.”
3rd January
“I reached college today. She will reach hers by tonight. The holidays were a torture. People are still not here. Waiting for life to get here and my life to get back there. Got a bit clichéd and poetic but never mind.”
11th December
“Why have the families be so protective? It could affect if we could meet. She is in my city and still I feel powerless over something similar to destiny. But I don’t believe in destiny.”
28th January
“But no commitment. L”
27th November
“I love Pakhi. I love her. Till now I had been very cautious but at least now I have said it to myself. It would require a lot more confidence about this thing to say it in front of others though.”
14th February
“Another Valentine’s Day spent single. But this was the first when I felt lonely.”
4th March
“Today I met her. I got terrified within 120 seconds when I could not find her but when I saw her, everything ceased. Very filmy and clichéd but it is the truth. 15 minutes on the platform with her became my best moments. I love her.”
27th January
“She said she loves me too. Not exactly but she said she feels the same way when I had said that I love her. And she broke up with him. Joy found a new definition today.”
I feel for him. I guess you forgot me but I am right here. Thank god she feels the same but then what was the problem?
17th December
“She wanted to say yes to me but did so to that bastard and she accepts that it was a mistake but is not ready to undo it. She worries about him getting hurt. What a liar she is. She could have said it at least on my face. Huh.”
What? If she loves him, then why? Is she an idiot? Now I get where this sad poems during December found their inspiration from. Pain does bring out one’s creativity.
24th February
“Things seem to be getting back to normal. Let us hope I manage to utilise this second chance that she has provided me.”
13th January
“It hurts when he posts love songs on her wall.”
26th March
“It really hurts when he posts love songs on her wall. They aren’t even committed. I have no idea what is going on there. Probably distance does matter.”
7th November
“I think I have a crush on her. Well that doesn’t take place very often. Maybe someday I will try to write a story about us. So it is a good option to jot down the events. She is cute and sweet. Pakhi, she is perfect.”
I was right. He wanted to write a story with it. And now it’s up to me to stop this story from dying. I am giving it a voice for people to hear. I feel like a saviour.
7th February
“I confessed lying to her. I had used Megha’s profile to show her the real picture. I lied to her and she is very angry. I deserve it.
15th March
“No, I don’t deserve it. I lied once to her and I had the guts to accept it. How can she say I had lied to her? She may say that she trusts me now but the truth is I don’t trust her anymore.
30th March
“She is toying with me. Says that she does not want to lead me into believing something but the next moment sends me a message saying, ‘The problem with distance is that we are never sure if we will be remembered or forgotten.’ I will avoid her. Let her be at my place and then only will she realise. If I know her, I will get results very quickly. She starts missing me badly within 24 hours.”
20th November
“48 hours is all she can do without talking to me. This is getting serious.”
25th November
“That bastard called her a bitch. She cried today. I felt like burning him down. She cried. But she is still in a relationship. She cried and so did I.”
4th December
“I told her that I love her. She wasn’t shocked but said she needs time. I am getting a yes.”
15th January
“She is in Benaras for a Robotics Competition. I could have gone there to meet her. She asked me to come. Though she is very distant from that idiot, but she is still committed and hence I won’t go.”
5th March
“She said I looked on the station and I am very very sweet. This must be the thousandth time she called me sweet but still it brings a big smile on hearing it.”
10th November
“Nine hours we talked today.”
29th January
“Joy didn’t live long enough. She has lost her ‘best friend’ in that ex and that takes away her smile. I am trying to feel happy about it but I just can’t. I talked to that wretched guy and tried to convince him very calmly to talk to her. He is an egghead but by the evening, he started talking to her. She smiled again and joy found a better definition this time. It was a really really hard job.”
23rd December
“I composed my first song
If my words could convince you now
I would write pages of what I feel
You can show me the ropes to how
Send you flowers or I got to kneel
When you say that you like me too
My heart skips beating for a while
You can tell me what to do
So I don’t have to fake a smile
And I am dyiiiiinggggg
A death inside my head
And I am dyiiiiiiinnnggggg
My dream inside my death
And I don’t know the missing part
For this mystery to be complete
This is now keeping us apart
Breaking barriers I have to meet
And the truth lies beyond the wall
Neither you nor I can see
Help each other to get tall
Peeking over till we get free
And I am dyyyyiiiiiiiiiiingggggg
A death inside my head
And I am dyyyyyiiiiinngggggg
My Dream inside my Death
She loved it. Mission Successful.”
Today is 2nd April and I don’t know what happened in the end. He tore the diary but seems cheerful right now. He had once written, “The most tragic event is the one after which you choose to smile and suffer in your subconscious,” but he had said similar thing about joy. I really respect him more as a person, lover and writer after reading this. The maximum I can become is an author because I write for others. But he is a writer who writes to make himself happy.
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